I wish I knew how to do all this change well, without complaint, without sadness, without exhaustion. I haven't posted in a few days because I was so overjoyed to spend time with my husband and son and then so miserable leaving them again. I missed Pia and am joyful to be with her and care for her. Yet, I'm miserable at the same time without my better half and my little munchkin. Being home made me see all the things I missed: the comforts of familiarity, sitting in front of a cozy fire, cuddling with Max, making breakfast together, laughing together, going to mass together, (oddly) cleaning the kitchen and the routines of daily life. I miss home. There's truly no other way to say it. In all humility and with no intended self pity, I miss home and don't know what to do about it. The weak part of me says "push your loved one away so that you're not sad when you say goodbye to him and to visit less so that your heart doesn't hurt so often." The small, less persuasive side says to hold nothing back. To give and keep giving until it hurts and then give more. The reality is: I can't be in two places at once, but I can learn to give without holding back.
"I grieve for thee, O Mary most sorrowful in the consternation of thy heart at meeting Jesus as He carried His cross. Dear Mother, by thy heart so troubled, obtain for me the virtue of patience and the gift of fortitude."
This is courageous and honest and beautiful. So are you. I'm lucky to do this with you.
ReplyDeleteWhere did you get that beautiful prayer?
ReplyDeleteWow, I am impressed. God bless you lovely Catholic people! :)
ReplyDeleteSuffering like this, with your best efforts and your heart reaching for the selflessness and love it needs to carry on; this is the way that saints suffer, and it's the reason their prayer lives become so powerful. Keep heading in that direction. You are pulling down blessings as Our Lady did, for all of us.